Self-Compassion and Your Mental Health
The concept of self-compassion is not widely known or understood by the vast majority of people I worked with in the counselling room. I remember clients giving me the puzzled look when I offered “can you give yourself permission to be kinder to yourself?” Some have said “yes, I know I need to be have more compassion for myself” whilst others asked if compassion for self will make them more self-absorbed or selfish. There are misconceptions about what self-compassion is and what it means to have more compassion for ourselves.
Kristen Neff, the pioneer in the study of self-compassion, described self-compassion as the process of turning compassion inward. When we see others suffering and in pain, we naturally feel compassion and empathy for them. Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Neff says that many people worry that self-compassion will make them lazy and complacent, but in fact, it can actually increase motivation and can be helpful for us.
I remember an experience years ago when I was feeling extremely self-critical and was berating myself. The more I focused on my inadequacies, the worse I felt, and the more I wanted to stay in bed and do nothing. I recalled a self-compassion practice I learnt at a retreat, and decided to direct some kindness and compassion to myself. In less than a minute, my mood lifted, and something shifted inside me. I jumped out of bed and in an instant my day changed for the better. I was surprised at how a simple act of being kind with myself can so quickly change how I feel. I have been integrating self- compassion practice in my work with clients, especially those who struggle with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
Research shows that self-compassion is a powerful source of coping and resilience we have available to us, radically improving our mental wellbeing. Fostering self-compassion is not complicated or difficult. It’s a skill that can be learned and enhanced. If you’re struggling to foster self-compassion in your life, don’t beat yourself up about it. With some guidance and practice, you can get better.
- Connie W.
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